The chicken crossed the road because gosh-darn it, he's
BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for
change! The chicken wanted change!
JOHN McCAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he
recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens
on the other side of the road.
HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little
chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure
right from Day One that every chicken in this country gets the chance it
deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.
GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We
just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken
is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.
DICK CHENEY: Where's my shotgun?
COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the
satellite image of the chicken crossing the road..
BILL CLINTON: I did NOT cross the road with that chicken. What is
your definition of chicken?
AL GORE: I invented the chicken.
JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now
against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's
intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.
AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.
DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize
that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes
after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him
realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his current problems before
adding new problems.
OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is
why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn
from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give
this chicken a NEW CAR so that he can just drive across the road and not live
his life like the rest of the chickens.
ANDERSON COOPER, CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but
we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.
NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY!
You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.
PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent,
MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was
going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the
price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me ANY insider
DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed, I've not been told.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.
GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road.
Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road to get to the other side, and that
was good enough.
BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be
listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heartwarming story of how
it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its lifelong
dream of crossing the road.
ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads
together, in peace.
BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2011, which will not only cross
roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your
checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken2011. This new
platform is much more stable and will never reboot.
ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road
move beneath the chicken?
COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?